Defa

"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?"

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says to the guy: "Mate, you've got a steering wheel down your pants." The guy replies "Yeah I know. Its driving me nuts!"

I'm about as useful at this as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things

Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you

Two cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside this clown. The first cannibal wacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown. Suddenly the second cannibal looks up and says, "Hey, do you taste something funny?"